Ok, so I seriously put off writing this post. Not that I’m secretive about my feelings or worried what others will think, but I honestly didn’t want to offend anyone who may be having a hard time with Valentines Day as a single.
But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I needed to write this post. Because someone out there will be able to relate and maybe this will comfort you just a bit on what I like to call the Gloomiest Day of the Year for Singles.
The idea came to me when I was reading a fellow blogger’s post,, where she gushed about a new relationship she ‘wasn’t looking for and had totally blessed and changed her life’.
Blah, blah, blah. *Insert that disgusted emoji face here*
I had read and heard them all before. Boy meets girl, or girl meets boy, and they see each other across the proverbially crowded room and the special shaft of light falls across them and you just know they are the one. He sends her roses, she starts writing his name at the end of hers on her notebooks, etc.
Quite frankly, I was really fed up with reading everyone’s romantic success stories. Fabulous! You found another human on earth to be compatible with. Go forth, live your life, and stop talking about it!
This line of thinking would ultimately drag me down into a self-made depression where I would call one of my good friends and cry to her about how tired I was of being single. She would patiently listen and then give me advice. ‘Ashleigh, marriage doesn’t fulfill you. It just means you’re married. You now have a companion for life, but it doesn’t solve any of your other problems.’
Yeah, easy for you to say. You’re married. And what problems? I don’t have problems. *cough*
But she was right. Not about the problems ( seriously, guys, I don’t have problems! *cough, cough* ), but about marriage. I look around me and notice that even the most wonderful looking marriages don’t change the life circumstances of the couple. They still have bills, still get sick, still have off days.
Now, I’m not about to go off on a tangent about how you don’t need to worry about getting married; that you should just party out the single life. Hoping and planning for a future relationship is not a bad thing. It’s actually a really good thing.
What my whole post is summed up into is pretty much the gist of my title; being single is not what defines you. Single is just a term. What defines you is what’s on the inside. What makes you unique from everyone else? What are some of the things that you are passionate about? If you never got married or ever had a relationship, what would you do with your life?
These are some of the questions my friend asked me. She looked me in the eye and said, ‘Ashleigh, live your life right now as if you’re never getting married. What would you do?’ And that really got me thinking. What would I do? The thought was one I never really wanted to consider. But I started to contemplate. ‘Pick something for just you. You only have you right now, make this time count.’
I will forever be grateful to this friend for opening my eyes and helping me to see the bigger picture. I’m not going to name names ( I don’t want to embarrass her, she reads the blog 😀 ), but she didn’t try to make me feel good, she pointed me to the truth.
And so to you I say, as we singletons march into the Gloomiest Day of the Year for Singles, remember that the term single does not define you. The fact you are alone on this day does NOT define you. What you do with the rest of your life, that is what defines you.
Hopefully, this post will ecorurage some of you out there who are lonely on this day. Don’t let the day get you down. Pull out your favorite book and read it, meet a friend for lunch and splurge on dessert, or take a day trip somewhere that you’ve always wanted to go by haven’t yet. The possibilities are endless!
Take this day just like any other; one step at a time. And remember, that couple smiling at each other over coffee in your direct line of sight, was not put there to torment you; they’re just a reminder of what’s to come.
PS: Posing with roses is extremely hard. Like, the worst. Probs not going to use flowers in the future for posts, unless they are in a vase. Some of these pics turned out hilarious. If someone had been prompting me, it would have sounded something like, ‘look laughingly down at the roses. Now smile at the roses. Now hold them in the air and look like you are having the best time of your life’. There isn’t a prompter, thank goodness. I take all my photos with a tripod and remote. Which gets funny comments and crazy stares all the time.